Answer me this.
Question::[scenario]
HOW, does one go to the bathroom (sitting makes more sense but I suppose it could happen standing up), finish their business, wipe the appropriate area, stand up, flush, and LEAVE the bathroom WITH ONE OF THEIR PUBES ON THE TOILET SEAT?
Seriously!?!!?! What the shit! What on this freakin earth makes YOU (you sick Pube Deserter/Shedder/Bandit) think that I want to go to the bathroom and sit on one of YOUR pubes!?!!
I mean come on. I've let this go on more than one occasion, more than I'd like to count. Leaving the toilet seat up, fine. Whatever. Be a dolt, or a guy, whichever you'd like to categorize yourself with (hand in hand?) and show us how macho and care-free you are and leave that seat up. Fine.
BUT. PLEASE.
For the LOVE.
I'm not being sexist and saying that 80% of the time it's a guys fault (which it usually, PROBABLY is a guy). There was one occasion where a particular person opposite of a male spent a little too much time in a tanning bed, and had a full body 3rd degree burn. Being burnt in places that don't usually get burnt= peeling.
Fine. You shed that leprous skin and give some air to those brand new baby skin cells!
BUT WIPE OFF THE DAMN SEAT.
Now am I totally way off in being freaking disgusted to the maxxxxx? We're talking serious gag-reactions. I honestly can't figure it out. It's like some crazy phenomenon that is sweeping (ha) toilet seats nation-wide into the shadows. Who the hell doesn't check out the toilet after you go? I'm trying and doing a very good job at keeping this excrement free so spare the 1750's gasps of disgust and shame. You seriously can't tell me that you don't give the toilet seat a once-over before flushing, washing your hands, and exiting (along with a quick but thorough examination of your face w/special attention to your pores/oil production).
The ONLY way I will grant you clemency is if you are:
A.-blind
B.-so insanely tall that you can't see the toilet seat during your once-over, or
C.-pubeless.
So next time you lose one of your leetl frens....
Give us a courtesy puff, or grab one more square of that wonderful toilet paper.
And
wipe.
it.
off.
Now on a lighter but similar and much more enjoyable note,
enjoy this:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23595533/
And think of me during your once-over.
Loves,
with firm but unyielding love (gag, right?)
El Scorcho.
3 comments:
Laughing quite hard. I hope Penny sees this one! Oh, and Mark used to think it was "douche" too. Sang it when he was a little kid and got in trouble. Didn't help that he called his brother one.
how about the mystery of how pee gets on the toilet seat in the ladies room? Even when you saw that it was a lady that just walked out of the stall and not some kid in with his mom. Please no practicing the hoola hoop while peeing!
ps can I start writing LQH to mean Nancy's Laughing Quite Hard?
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