Totally inappropriate but I don't even care.

I don't even know how to start this. It's one of my BIGGEST pet peeves and it seriously grosses me the hell out. So if you're totally reserved and think that literal bathroom talk is completely uncalled for then I'm sorry but you'll have to stop reading.

Answer me this.

Question::[scenario]
HOW, does one go to the bathroom (sitting makes more sense but I suppose it could happen standing up), finish their business, wipe the appropriate area, stand up, flush, and LEAVE the bathroom WITH ONE OF THEIR PUBES ON THE TOILET SEAT?
Seriously!?!!?! What the shit! What on this freakin earth makes YOU (you sick Pube Deserter/Shedder/Bandit) think that I want to go to the bathroom and sit on one of YOUR pubes!?!!
I mean come on. I've let this go on more than one occasion, more than I'd like to count. Leaving the toilet seat up, fine. Whatever. Be a dolt, or a guy, whichever you'd like to categorize yourself with (hand in hand?) and show us how macho and care-free you are and leave that seat up. Fine.
BUT. PLEASE.
For the LOVE.
I'm not being sexist and saying that 80% of the time it's a guys fault (which it usually, PROBABLY is a guy). There was one occasion where a particular person opposite of a male spent a little too much time in a tanning bed, and had a full body 3rd degree burn. Being burnt in places that don't usually get burnt= peeling.
Fine. You shed that leprous skin and give some air to those brand new baby skin cells!
BUT WIPE OFF THE DAMN SEAT.
Now am I totally way off in being freaking disgusted to the maxxxxx? We're talking serious gag-reactions. I honestly can't figure it out. It's like some crazy phenomenon that is sweeping (ha) toilet seats nation-wide into the shadows. Who the hell doesn't check out the toilet after you go? I'm trying and doing a very good job at keeping this excrement free so spare the 1750's gasps of disgust and shame. You seriously can't tell me that you don't give the toilet seat a once-over before flushing, washing your hands, and exiting (along with a quick but thorough examination of your face w/special attention to your pores/oil production).

The ONLY way I will grant you clemency is if you are:
A.-blind
B.-so insanely tall that you can't see the toilet seat during your once-over, or
C.-pubeless.

So next time you lose one of your leetl frens....
Give us a courtesy puff, or grab one more square of that wonderful toilet paper.

And
wipe.
it.
off.

Now on a lighter but similar and much more enjoyable note,
enjoy this:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23595533/

And think of me during your once-over.

Loves,
with firm but unyielding love (gag, right?)

El Scorcho.

Revved up like a douche.

I was driving home tonight with The Count when "Blinded by the light" came on the radio, recognizable right from the start with the horrible arrangement of cheesy synthetic organ chords when the line "revved up like a deuce" was delivered with my jaw simultaneously dropping.
me-"Did it just say douche? Revved up like a douche?!"
scottie-"Yeah, I've always thought that's what it said."
And it kept repeating itself OVER and OVER again, resulting with me turning it up LOUDER and LOUDER each time to make sure that it was seriously saying revved up like a douche.
So pretending like I was a member of the Look It Up Club I searched for the lyrics on my phone, only to be disappointed when I read the correct lyrics.
But still. Seriously? Revved up like a deuce? I'm sure it fit just PERFECTLY when the song was written but it seriously just sounds like he's singing about being so totally psyched that he's as ready as a douche that's about to embark on some secret mission.
Scott and Norm are distracting me. Scott's talking about how horrible Africa is and little kids with guns and Norm is doing who knows what to the couch and I'm trying to contribute to the conversation but the only things I'm saying are "yeah" and "hmmm".
I've since moved on from eating a pound of strawberries as often as possible to dried mangoes. AND nectarines. But the nectarines have to be like biting in to a damn cement filled coconut. None of this soft, mushy shit. That's for peaches. So the mangoes are treating me oh so nicely so I'm not going to complain. There's so much I could complain about but then I'd just be like every other self-victimizing person who has all kinds of crap (and some have legit crap) and lets the world know about it. I have more important things to deal with. Like Scott interrupting whatever flow is going thru my brain to present the question "What if humans were covered in hair?......what would GIRLS do?". So now I'm picturing these sasquatch-like girls with short gross blonde dog hair all over their bodies and it's weirding me out. Mostly because I'm picturing them like one of the characters in Yo Gabba Gabba. The werid green and blue guy...but blonde and with a pink bow....and as a girl.

Yikes.
Time for bed.
Don't want to keep Gaston waiting :)

Lurves,
mucho gusto,
El Scorcho.

(I online-translationed mucho gusto and it means "a lot of taste" on one search engine, and on another "much pleasure". So we'll pretend it means "with a lot of pleasure". Or how about "a shit load". Yeah. A shit load.)

Hupdate.

Hi guyth. It's been an insanely long time since I've updated and I'm actually ashamed that I haven't done more. I get into these modes where I'll be like "oh my gosh I need to write that down" or "oh my gosh I have got to blog this", and then I get home and it's almost like I shy away from everything. Because writing everything down makes it so FINAL, in a way. And by writing it down you acknowledge that you're either currently or have had those thoughts and that they're circulating that wonderful brain of yours and are trying to get out thru your ears and nostrils and tear ducts (except I don't cry thru my ears and nose).
ANYWAY.
I was looking thru my other blog
(http://blogs.myspace.com/kitschneymarie)
[if it doesn't work it's myspace.com/kitschneymarie, and on the right under Nosferatu are my entries, and you can click on "View all blog entries"]
and realized that I wrote a butt load, but then also realized that I was extremely depressed and only wrote Debbie Downer stuff. So there's my warning if you go read those. There's a lot of them. Aaand some of them are "explecit" so be warned Mum. I've tidied up my mind-mouth a little bit but not to the point of choking it and cutting off what I really think. So I've "matured" a bit, or whatever the hell you wanna call it.
POINT BEING- Some of them say the eff word (among other things), and I would go back and change them, but then it would change what I was trying to say, and quite frankly, at the time, I didn't give a damn who read it or how it was interpreted, because I didn't even care about myself enough to care about anyone else.
Yoish.
Moving on.
So it's like the middle of July and it's been WONDERFUL as far as the weather is concerned. The sun must've had some kind of set back like a month long appointment with his doctor or something and forgot to fry us all with his unforgiving rays.
I'm still trying to recover from the conference I had with my english teacher I had last semester, who referred me to the Hacker book to look up...(and of course now I don't remember the exact phrase for it) but it pretty much tells you how to shorten your sentences. Aaaaand if you look at my last sentence, you'll see why she referred me to said chapter.
Whatever. I love long sentences. So mleh.
Okay time to go bask in the sun and read The Secret.
I can't believe I just admitted to that.

Loves,

Most ardently (I just finished Pride and Prejudice),

El Scorcho.

Nazi Zombies

Oh my GOSH so right now I'm slumped over like an old lady in the chair while Scott plays COD's-Nazi Zombies and I've been so enthralled with whatever I was looking at on the computer that when I decided to remind myself of my surroundings it was like TOTAL.CHAOS. Seriously. Surround sound zombies. With explosions going off and Scott twitching every time he tries to shoot a zombie and the zombies screaming incoherently. I'm actually pretty impressed with my ability to tune things out. This game is actually pretty disgusting. And scary as hell when you try to go to sleep and all you see are zombies coming at you.
Which is why I bought Beauty and the Beast on VHS from the D.I. a few weeks ago. I freaking love it. I mean yeah, she's only there for like 3 days and is already in love with him, but whatevs. I pretend that she's there for like MONTHS and then they FINALLY fall in love. But I'm usually out for the count by the end of the opening song and where she's defending her dad after Lefou makes fun of him. Ma-ha-ha-ha. And OH MY GOSH Gaston is such a douche. Holy moly. And no wonder the townspeople think she's weird. THEY'RE FRENCH. They're bound to be bastards sometimes.
So yeah I'm definitely going to be watching that tonight.
Nothing much is new. I got a damn B- on my last paper and was TOTALLY expecting it but was still pretty crushed when she handed it back to me. She even APOLOGIZED. I wanted to be like Well hell if you're sorry just give me an A! It was supposed to be an analysis of a complex problem essay directed towards the govenor and I was apparently a little too sassy and didn't elaborate enough on solutions. Because frankly I don't give a damn about certain things and that tends to screw me over in MULTIPLE situations. Always with school. Bad news man.
Wow wow wow I'm so easily distracted. I've been staring wide-eyed at the TV screen, screaming whenever a zombie gets too close to Scott. Which makes him tense up even more. Oh my gosh.
Yeah anyway. I've completely lost any prior train of thought so I'm gonna read now. Something raunchy and smutty I think.
You can never go wrong with Christine Feehan.

Even though a lot of the men are like Gaston.
Hahahaha.

Loves
El Scorcho.

Equine Persuasion.

--------------------------
A Short Story by Syd Woolf
--------------------------

Mobocracy

I don't like blogging in computer labs because they're the new MAC monitors that
have EVERYTHING built in to them (like the entire computer) and when the screen is completely maximized it's like ANYBODY SITTING NEXT TO YOU OR BEHIND YOU CAN READ EVERYTHING YOU'RE SAYING OR LOOKING AT. IT'S LIKE LOOKING AT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT- WHO THE HELL WANTS A SCREEN SO BIG SO THAT YOU CAN SEE THAT YOU ONLY HAVE LIKE $76.33 IN YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT.
And this version sucks because I can't change the font so otherwise the above sentince would be like font-size=150 so you could see how freaking massive this looks.

Updates-
*I have another exam next weekend that I was entirely unaware of until about 20 minutes ago.
I just imagined those protector things -the ones that you'd use in 1st grade when you were taking tests- around THIS computer so I could type in total seclusion and feel sneaky when I peek over and look at Scott's screen but then get totally caught staring at another monitor.

*We have roughly 5 weeks left of school.

*I have severe shuffle-shame when I put my iPod on shuffle and only get like 10 seconds thru the song before I skip to the next song, only to repeat the process

*I love mannequins but Mum thought that the one on my background was just some naked lady with cute little nipple covers so I'll change it once people aren't screen peeping.

*I've changed my major to English with a Creative Writing emphasis and a teaching minor and haven't been this excited about school since the day before my first day of Kindergarten.

*Scott has a wikipedia page open with a picture of a person with edema around the eye (I'll take a picture of it and upload it later) and it's totally freaking me out because it's only ONE eye and it's like they're staring at me. Sweaty face and all. I'd hate to be the person in a medical dictionary that is the picture for the definition of some weird disease. Like this one time at work, well nevermind it's probably a HIPPA violation. Huff.

*I still have an obsession with skeletons, and smiled at myself yesterday when I saw this girl in a white semi-snazzy car with a huge pink Lei hanging from her mirror (I used to have one during highschool so I can't rag on her too much) and then looked at mine and saw a cute little skeleton hanging by his neck. Whose name is Nimby.

*I just saw a picture of another freakin eye disease that Scott pulled up (uveitis) and arranged it so JUST the picture was peeking out from another window.

Yeah I'm gonna go. Scott's making me sick.
----------------------------------------------
Alright so I started this at 9:03 and it's now 5:14. I had to leave the computer lab because the pictures Scott was pulling up was seriously making me want to barf.


More later.


Love
El Scorcho.

p.s.
Here's that damn picture I promised.

V-Day Love

So I was going thru my camera looking at pictures and stuff and I found this and decided it needed to be on the internet. So here it is.


More later.
Love Scorcho